26 October 2008
We had a great weekend. I stayed home ALL of Saturday and I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that was great. We decided to go to the Bateman’s Bay on Sunday for a drive and a nice lunch – you know the spot where you and I used to go — Jameson’s on the Pier. Well you certainly did your own thing Missy. I ended up at the Mariner on Beach Road discussing if there was a vessel that could be hired for the purpose of spreading your ashes. The chap directed me to the Tourist Bureau where I met the loveliest of ladies. She was a Celebrant who was so sympathetic and understanding about the entire situation. She had previously been through it with her niece — same situation — same desire to go to sea. There was a Catamaran that I could have hired for $750 (totally out of my budget) but she suggested that I contact the Bateman’s Bay Coastal Patrol — she said they would probably do it for a donation.
I rang each of the boys and Jess and Cass to check their availability and all thought it was a great idea and so the date was set for Saturday, 29th November 2008.
I then went and looked at Murramarang and booked two units that will house the 10 of us quite comfortably with Mick, Cass, Jess, Brandy and I in one of them and Jules, Justin, Dami and the two little ones in the other. I decided to keep Brandy with the girls as they would be a support to him if needed through the night if he can’t sleep.
Will keep you posted my darling. Love Mum XXX
27 October 2008
Me again SweetPea,
On Monday I rang the Coastal Patrol and was directed to Howard Staples. He rang me back and was so helpful. It appears that they end their shift at 16:00 but he will put a crew of 4 men on for us for a sunset farewell. We have decided to set out at 18:00 with a 40 minute trip to where you wish to go at Surf Beach. We will each say our farewells to you and I have got you the loveliest of wreaths with your favourite Oriental Lilies. I have ordered single flowers also so that we can each toss a flower to you after our words. Liz at Poetry in Flowers has been amazing and will do her usual best to make sure that it is perfect for you.
All that I spoke to were wonderful. So you are on your way my darling girl, just as you wished. I can only say that I am not ready to do this but it seems that this is your time and you are steering the course of activities.
Since organising this I take you with me wherever I go. Some get spooked when they ask my what is in my backpack but who cares — you look good sitting in the passenger’s seat with your belt on. I hope you can hear our conversations. This is our last month together kiddo. I am loathe to let you go AGAIN.
Love you up to the moon, the stars, the sun, round the world and back again. Mum XXX
26 November 2008
Got an email from Sarah today and she is finally ready to put pen to paper. She wants me to read to you at your farewell. I will add it to this page when she sends it through to me. I gave her your unsent letter when she visited from the States. In her email she says:
“I have a handful of letters that I wrote to Laura over the years and didn't send her. We used to always write letter's. It did give me comfort to read the letter she wrote just to be able to have one more bit of communication with her made me feel better. I got the impression the letter was written in two parts, did you? It made me laugh and it made me happy. It made me really wish I could have given her a hug.”
I am so happy that I dug it out of your papers and gave it to her. She knows how special she was to you and you to her. It will be lovely to hear what she chooses to say to you this Saturday.
I have written and written and thought and thought of things that I want to say but they have already been said to you. They are our words, no one else’s — so when the time comes to say goodbye, I will quote the following from Four Weddings and a Funeral, when Matthew recites at Gareth's funeral:
"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone. Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum, bring out the coffin... let the mourners come. Let the aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead, scribbling on the sky the message: She is Dead. Put crepe bows 'round the white necks of the public doves, let traffic policemen wear black, cotton gloves. She was my North, my South, my East and West. My working week and my Sunday rest. My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song, I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now, put out every one. Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun. Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood, for nothing now can ever come to any good."
Brandy will say:
Mama, why did you have to leave so soon?
Why did you have to die?
I want to tell you that I love you and that I always did.
I miss you.
I wish I could see you one more time.
I have memories.
The memories of your laugh, your smile, your large loving brown eyes.
The good times
29 November 2008
We arrive at Murramarang around 2pm. Justin, Damian Julie and girls arrive not long after. We settle in and get ready to meet Howard in the Bay around 6pm The rain has not ceased and it looks like it will get worse.
We arrived at the Mariner on time to find Howard waiting for us to tell us he has had to stand down the crew due to inclement weather. I tell him it is OK but I am dying inside thinking that I can't do another night. I want to get it done.
We come home and the boys are just fantastic. They take the kids swimming and then to play the games that are at the resort. A good time is had by all.
30 November 2008
We met Howard at 9.30 on Sunday morning at the pier near Batemans Bay bridge. Jazzy didn't want to get on the big boat so Auntie Julie stayed behind with her. We arrived at the location at Surf Beach and the sun was out - we couldn't have asked for a nicer day. Howard asked me to place your wreath overboard and I was very apprehensive to do that so early in the piece - I thought you would float away before the service was over. Not my girl! He began the service and then Brandan read the Lord's Prayer. He then recited his words and then I mine.
We each took turns at spreading your ashes into the ocean Latitude 35 deg 45.445'S, Longitude 150 deg 13082'E and with doing so each of us placed a gerbera overboard to go with you while 'Into the Mystic' played. Howard then resumed the service and at the end offered a heap of rose petals to you. You stayed with us right throughout the service, God love you. After it was done, we played 'Smile' and it just seemed so appropriate.
As we turned the boat to head back to the Bay, I was just about to ask Howard what that big grey shape was and all of a sudden up went a big spray of water. It was a whale. After such an emotional service it just felt so mystical and spiritual. It was as if you were saying, "it is OK mum, it was just perfect, just the way I wanted it to be".
We went to the Nelligen Pub for lunch and to reflect on our morning and then went home. It was a very draining weekend but if it had to be, it couldn't have been more beautiful. You are at peace now darling. I miss you so much Kiddo. I am so used to being able to go to the wardrobe and get you down for a cuddle. Not any longer.
Love you baby girl. Mum XXX